ANGRY POSITIONS

So it’s alright for women to remain stains on your pillow,

To remain secrets from true loves,

To remain whispers in moments of passion,

Thoughts in ill equipped moments,

Is it?

So you want to be his pee hole when she’s not looking,

Stolen kisses in between lies,

Bad F*cks in secret locations?

Bad judgments induced by alcohol?

When will the fuckery end?

When will the truth be more visible in the mist of the car windows?

The height of hormones,

The suggestive nature of flirtations with married man, committed men/women?

When will we stop inducing pain in each other?

With each other?

Fuck Off!

I want no piece of the masquerade,

I want no room in your sandcastle,

I don’t need the fleeting warmth of your thighs, your chest!

I said Fuck Off with your fake ass reality,

With your disturbed frequency,

If you are not willing,

If you are not able,

If you are not it,

Then GO!

© SmaUniverse

The Winds Of Change

We are part of an unending cycle of change, and I feel it becomes more about our substance than what or whom we know. At the end of the day what will count is what kind of friend, daughter, mother, lover you were. It is quiet seldom that human nature changes but the decisions we make alter us.
What do you really want? And even if it's a lot of things, especially if you are me, you worry about the significance of your impact. I walk around probing and at times I don't come up with anything adequate to share and so In, it stays stewing in the recesses of my mind.
I value courage and bravery, after all what is left when we face our own fickleness.
I've been undergoing a lot of change lately related to relationships, friendships, work, career; value systems..I might be rambling and drowning in all the lessons. One thing I know is even if it's for a moment filled with ecstacy, joy, a thought, needed frustration, maybe change is not so bad after all. It is hard but not bad.

Smauniverse,

It's Yours.

What do you really want?

People don't have to know your name, shout out your praises!
We seem to have this obsession that success goes hand in hand with money and the material yet not with personal development, emotional intelligence and a more centered sense of being. I don't know about you but I don't want to be part of that game anymore. If it's going to bring you wealth at least let it be something that fulfills you and not for all the wrong reasons. But who am I? I speak for my own personal choices, what I know I truly need,want and deserve which I assume are basic things that a person should be able to articulate..honestly...just a thought.

SmaUniverse,
It's Yours!

And so it starts...

I've been opened up towards a new journey, to solidify who I am. It feels like I'm filling in a questionnaire to review my past and present and to draw out a plan for my future.
Family, check...
Friends,check..
Love, check... and so forth.
I've become decisive about the things I want from my life as an individual, a mother, a friend, a partner but most of all a dreamer. We can command what we want from our lives with our words, thoughts and actions, we have that much power over ourselves and everything around us. One thing I pray I never lose and always exude is authenticity, because when it comes down to it I'm as confused as everyone else and I can only authenticate my experience.

Happy New Year, I hope it brings all of us the courage to not only dream but to follow and realise our own dreams.

SmaUniverse, it's Yours!

I want to be 4 Again!!!

I'm feeling so out of touch these days the light only remains for a short while. It's like I'm walking on air, nothing feels solid; the work, the loves, the conversations,BLEH! Feels like I'm waiting, searching and hoping to come into that moment when my skin fits, when my life is mine and I can do as I please with it. I want to be like Lesedi, my 4yr old daughter, light, flowing, slow to anger, quick to forget. She notices the most strangest things like,
"mommy why are your eyes red? were you sleeping?"
me: "Yes, I slept on the way home"
her: "Look at my eyes, are they red? No, they are white"
(conversation in vernac ofcourse, makes it more funny).
She is very thoughtful, like waking up my dad to give him a banana while is he sleeping...lol.
I definitely think I want to be 4 again; cartoons, sweets, sleep, playing with water, hugs and kisses...such bliss!
She is quiet the diva but I love her nonetheless.
My main drive when I became a parent, was to live my life to the fullest so that my daughter knows she too can. Not to be a sacrificial lamb. It's a perfecting love...
I just resigned from my job, my feet are itchy, I WANNA GO TO BEAUTIFUL *singing..
I call on the Universe to bless me with a cool job while I wait for my UK Studies next year and to push me out of the door so I can see more. I've been feeling so powerless, overall wackness, unfinished thoughts, deeds,projects...I just want to live and be less mindful of external and internal noise. Can I reclaim my own Loveliness, cause that I am!

SmaUniverse,

Its Yours!

Education as myth?

It's easy to say, "Live each moment,Fully", we only do have one chance to live our lives. There are days when I question the choices I have made. Am I following my passions to the fullest? Am I doing justice to my Dreams? Because right now they are all I have, informing everything I do. It's been hard to move forward without an ounce of doubt, everywhere I look there is someone living fully, achieving their dreams. It's been hard to learn to listen to the rhythm of my own step. If there's ever one thing a person can do, it is to sorround yourself with extraordinary, like-minded people, and for this I'm grateful.

This post has been difficult for me to write. I wanted to explore what I call, "Education as a myth", for various reasons. One thing I've come to learn is that you do it for yourself. I'm probably not the only young person I know questioning whether or not I have made the right career choice. What tends to bother me the most is that I know so many of my friends who are highly educated and yet are unemployed or find themselves in unsatisfactory jobs. The myth is that once you have that piece of paper, the riches will start pouring at your feet. It's a reality not all of us come to experience. We wake up every morning praying that the god of all 'kick-ass' jobs will hear us and grant us our wish.
What do you do when you live in a country that is stuck in a 'pay-check to pay-check' mentality? All we know is the world of revolving credit that constantly keeps us where we dont want to be.

I've spoken to many friends about this and I've been on the edge of resignation many times myself. A friend of mine said of her job, "I feel like staying here is damaging me". It's hard, what do you do when you have been given the gift of responsibilities? I'd love nothing more than to wake up and find my dreams realised.
What's the solution then? How do we keep motivating 'Education' as a way out?
Crappy bosses, crappy jobs, careers gone wrong; will forever be a reality. Therefore you must decisively weave your own meaning, your own dream and hopefully one day it is tears of joy that you and I will both be crying, because dreams are worth every ounce of determination.
The inspiration is around us,  the people in our lives who can attest to this.
For now, I hold my chin up and continue following the trail of my dreams.
You are not that job, with or without you remain, and hopefully money does not hold us prisoners as we do our best to "Fully Live in Every Moment".

"All Paid Jobs,absorb and degrade the mind"..Aristotle.

The Fruits of My Thoughts

My mind has been revolving around the beauty of women, their depth of love and their endurance of suffering. My thoughts are not simply influenced by bias, as evidently I happen to be a Woman myself. Or maybe they are, lol..but either way I choose to speak to a reflection that mirrors mine daily.

I started thinking about myself and how much i've grown over the years and had a thought about the texture of an evolving woman and how sweet it is as she comes into her own. I'm hoping to finish a poem, already in progress, reflecting this.

A friend said the most amazing statement at one of our scholarship gatherings a while back, He exclaimed, "women exist to be desired". Although a bit shocked, I kept contemplating the validity of this statement, which I infact happen to fully agree with.

Not only as sexual beings are we desirable but in our care, comfort and human nature.
There is nothing wrong for being desired because you have perfectly sculptured 'boobs' or an amazingly round 'ass' but I think everything in our nature is meant 'to draw you in', to steal a line from one of my favourite movies, every crevice holds magic. I agree to the full extent about women's desirability and beauty and I believe we deserve to nurture and care for ourselves by making choices that reflect our 'Awesomeness'.

I've also been thinking about the 'New Woman' and as much as the 'New Modern Man' exists so does she. Who are we know? We are financially independent, we are emotionally intelligent, we have active work and social lives and we have a handle on what we want and who we are sexually. I'd like to believe that most of us do even though I'm aware that many still fall behind or rather, are still catching up.
Can the 'New Women' really handle paying her own way all the time? certain markers of provsion are still a must for both men and women, such as paying the food bill, letting him change your tyre etc...
 But what is really 'new' about the 'New Woman'?
She seems to have everything 'new' but her needs are still largely traditional.
Who are you if you provide or are provided for?
I honestly have so much I still have to think about regarding this topic, especially as a feminist who doesnt quite buy into the 50-50 rule..
Okay to be reviewed again...

But..

Found an interesting article in the October 2010 Edition of True Love Magazine. Mmatshilo Motsei (page 28) discusses the younger man and older women saga but I found these points quite potent:

• The idea of man needing to tower over a woman is based on a traditional predatory archetype in human evolution. This archetype connotes an imbalance of power that translates into domination and submission.
• Men usually serve the role of protector and provider while women serve a role of perpetuation of the species..
• The fact that intimate human relations still operate under the dominator model reflects a prevailing form of survival through conquest as opposed to reciprocity
• We need to re-imagine love and take sex out of a mechanistic and materialistic body in order to sustain fulfilling sex

I must still chew over these thoughts...

Two things that have definitely left a mark on me recently have been Love and Death.

I marvel at how I have chosen to love myself and others...much of it is still under construction but I've decided that loving more is definitely the key. There may be complications in how we love certain people but if love is the foundation,we will definitely always find our way back.

And for Death? no one really wants to talk about it actually..*chuckles , let alone think about it. It's still a scary concept, which makes you think about the value of life..

I definitely miss my paternal grandmother, my aunt who i hadn't seen in years and many others who have touched my life.. In celebrating them, my ancestors, we live each day with vigour, fight through the downs and relish the NOW, as tommorow doesn't really exist!

SmaUniverse,

Its Yours!